My Testimony

My great grandpa, Leland Ostler died just a few months ago. Before he died, he wrote a letter. It was addressed to his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, of which I am one. The letter was not opened until after he died. It simply bore his testimony of Christ and his love for each of his descendants. Though I do not expect to die soon, as he did, I hope that someday, my great-grandchild can read my testimony and remember that we are family, and that someday we can be together again.

I know that the Gospel is the only way to be happy. I am only eighteen, but I have felt the truth of the teachings of Christ, and of his servants, from the Creation until now. Because of my depression and anxiety, which I have had my whole life, it is very rare for me to feel at peace. There is a cloud of fear and darkness in the background of all my thoughts, and it often overtakes them. Sometimes, I do feel at peace, though. It's not at school. It's not even at church or with my family. Those small moments of peace come almost without exception at the end of the day, when I am reading the scriptures, or praying. The only reliable source of hope and comfort I have felt is the knowledge that the Lord is always with me, and that even though I am sick now, someday, whether in this life or the next, everything will be perfect. Because He is in control. Yes, sometimes I have thought how unfair it is that I feel miserable all the time, and have for 18 years. But, at the same time, I have absolute faith that in some way, I or someone I love needs this experience. And that, however confused and hurt I may be, the Lord knows what He's doing.

This may seem extreme, but the reason I bring it up is to show that whatever it may be, depression, or just worry over tomorrow's math test, the Lord is in control, and He will always, ALWAYS, be there and be waiting. And not like your earthly parents or others you love, though they may do the best they can. They cannot go with you to take your math test, or away to college, or to your first job interview or your first date. But the Lord can. Wherever and whenever you need Him, He is there. Without your worthiness, though, all He can do is reach out to you. Christ's plan requires us to make our own decisions.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the Lord's church. He runs it. He speaks to our prophet. Right now, it's Thomas S. Monson. But, whoever is called to be the prophet is His servant and His mouthpiece. Living the Gospel is the only way to really be happy. Living in sin is miserable. It just doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel clean. And, it ruins relationships, it ruins your attitude, it ruins everything you love and reduces you to misery because you can't see the good anymore.

With all the Church functions and different commandments, never forget the reason for the whole thing. Christ was born. He lived. He taught. He forgave. He healed. Think of all the pain you have felt in your life. Your cuts and bruises from falling off your bike. Your shame and bitterness when you've done something wrong. The seemingly endless grief after you lose a loved one to death, or, worse, to sin. Then multiply all of that by a few trillion. He felt that. In just a few hours, He learned and felt all that you have ever learned or felt. He didn't have to. But He did. Because He loves you. Never, ever forget that. You can never pay Him back. But, you can try. You must try. Or, all His pain was for nothing. He went through all of that for you. Don't let it go to waste.